Guest Post- Cafe Bars, Idiots And Pigeons

Yo. It's my Birthday. I am 8. I do not like this this song, well it's alright. My dad made me put it on, well he just said tough to me when I suggested lots of other songs.* My Dad's a music snob. But there are too many cafe bars, idiots and pigeons in this town.

By Eliza T.

When The Evening Sun Goes Down

* Swiss Adam writes- For the record I wasn't going to post Cheryl Cole, Black Eyed Peas, Alexandra Burke or Katy Perry. I would've posted Eliza Doolittle but I didn't have the song. Eliza T. used to love Half Man Half Biscuit before she became cool. Mrs Swiss says she still does, but won't admit it.

This song is a cracker, by the way, and includes the line about 'I'm off to see The Bootleg Beatles, as the bootleg Mark Chapman'.

Check Your Sheds, Check Your Sheds, I Think I've Lost My Mind

For Webbie and any other interested readers- Half Man Half Biscuit played one of their rare gigs in Leicester on Thursday night. There was a full first team plus substitutes of middle aged men in Dukla Prague away kits and HMHB's merchandise stall with cassette singles from the eighties still being offered. Echolocation, friends of mine were supporting them, and played their customary experimental set, being greeted with both applause and bafflement. HMHB arrived on stage at 9 ish and then played 29 songs in under two hours. Opening up with a tribute to two recently departed icons (Poly Styrene and Fred Titmus) they played songs from their whole back catalogue, from The Trumpton Riots up to new and unreleased ones, with top quality between song banter- especially the bit about an argument guitarist Ken had at Bradgate Park about whether you should have salt on boiled eggs. Speaking to Geoff, manager and owner of Liverpool's Probe (shop and record label), he said the new album should be out in September with at least eleven new songs. However by this point I had drunk quite a lot, and my memories are a little blurry. H, guitarist in Echolocation and long standing campanero of mine, recorded the whole gig from the mixing desk. Towards the end, during the song Them's The Vaguaries, my drunken voice shouting out the next line of the song ('Bin Men, thin men , lexicographers') is clearly audible during the breakdown in the middle of the song. Apologies for that. This is set closer (I think, it was towards the end if not the final song) We Built This Village On A Trad Arr. Tune, live in Leicester two nights ago. How's that for blogging service? This song contains more great lines than most people manage over an album- the title of this post for example, 'Yonder the deacon in misguided trousers', 'It fills me with joy to see moshers out jogging, it fills me with joy to see joggers out moshing', 'It's a cricketing farce with a thickening plot, Act One Scene One Brenda Blethyn gets shot' among them. They may be our finest folk band I think.

we built this village on a trad arr. tune (live in leicester april 2011).mp3

You're Going On After Crispy Ambulance

After work tonight I'm driving down to Leicester, jewel of the East Midlands, to see Wirral's finest Half Man Half Biscuit play a rare gig. They're at The Auditorium and being supported by Leicester band Echolocation, some of whom I know. I just hope there isn't a running order squabble fest.

'Half past four, half past four, you said half past ten to us'

'No dry ice, no dry ice, hey Jason they've got no dry ice'

'There's no way on earth they should be on after us, they haven't even got an album out'.

'CND? CND? We're not going on after Chas 'n' Dave'

running order squabble fest.mp3

The Council's Gonna Ask Radiohead To Switch Off Blackpool Lights

It's been a while since we had any Half Man Half Biscuit at Bagging Area. This song, On Passing Lilac Urine, appeared on shuffle mode yesterday. Shuffle mode's been getting on my nerves recently- it's been too shuffly- but this popped up and I had to share it. Best bit? Probably the break in the middle with the line 'I'm Slim Shady, I'm the real Slim Shady, the other Slim Shady's gone to play tennis', but this being HMHB there are plenty to choose from.

OnPassingLilacUrine.mp3

January The 6th Epiphany

From their final Peel Session, Half Man Half Biscuit's Epiphany, not on any formal release as far as I know, and one of their best songs.

It finishes...

'Please take me with you on one of your outings
I hear you're going to Billing Aquadrome
I've never been to Billing Aquadrome
Let me go with you to Billing Aquadrome
Please let me go to Billing Aquadrome
I'll be busking this at Embankment tube tomorrow

January the 6th Epiphany'


47. Epiphany.MP3

Eno Collaboration 2

After yesterday's Brian Eno post I had to put this up, with it's middle section that goes thus...

'I know Bono and he knows Ono and she knows Eno's phone goes thus:
''Brian's not at home, he's at the North Pole
But if you'd like to leave a weird noise'' '

On the 7" single of this song, the B-side is Hair Like Brian May Blues. Worth it for the title alone.



03 Eno Collaboration [Remix].wma

I'm King Euphoria, She's Queen Victoria

We haven't had any Half Man Half Biscuit for some time, so let's rectify that straight away and welcome in October with 27 Yards Of Dental Floss.

'Fired by wine she was almost mine

Til a fight broke out at the bar

Third rate Les in his Burberry fez

Had gone just a little too far

Nailing down his bailing twine

To the laminate floor

He sang a salty song about

A girl from Bangalore

27 yards of dental floss

And she still won't give me a smile'

If you're one of the surprisingly many who downloaded With Goth On Our Side a few months back you'll love this one too. HMHB were in session on 6 Music back in August with three new songs and the promise of a new album around Christmas. Killer new line? 'I shot a man in Tesco just watch him die'.

27 Yards Of Dental Floss.mp3

Half Man Half Biscuit 'It Makes The Room Look Bigger'

I couldn't let yesterday's reference to Half Man Half Biscuit go without another post, especially as last month's With Goth On Our Side has become one of the most downloaded tracks from Bagging Area, which was a bit unexpected. In this song, from a 2003 six track e.p., the Poet Laureate of Birkenhead skewers D.I.Y.-

'I've just finished decorating
It was very irritating
And I know they're gonna come around tonight
And I know they're gonna say to me tonight
It makes the room look bigger'

This being HMHB Nigel Blackwell can toss away a line some songwriters would base an entire album around-

'I'm putting up a hook to hang my hopes upon'

And then follows it with...

'There's a fellow coming round to put the gas back on'

And...

'And if truth be told now that Thelma's gone
It makes the room look bigger'.

After ridiculing home improvement, modern Britain's favourite pastime, there's still time for a conversation with an elderly woman at a bus stop concerning poor bus services, Benny Goodman, three thugs, the nu-metal band Korn and a sub-machine gun.

Half Man Half Biscuit_03_It Makes The Room Look Bigger.mp3